i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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