dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
