Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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