It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You have to summon your inner elephant
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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