So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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