So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
