i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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