I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
