Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
