My hand turned me down
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
