I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize