You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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