okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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