I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
