Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
