OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
