Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize