I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize