upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
