I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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