ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
how drunk are you?
Several
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize