she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Someone shattered a urinal.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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