well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize