Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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