she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
