Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
