Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
