I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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