like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
