So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
