you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
