That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
