I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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