today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
