Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
