i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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