also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
