Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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