dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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