I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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