Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
