do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
