Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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