did you get engaged???
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
