Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
