your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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