I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
