Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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