If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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