I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
