Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
