Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
