i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
