Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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