Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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