well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
