Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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