How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize