brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
