Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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