My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
