tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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