i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
