There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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