Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
