I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
