all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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