If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I need to wash the frat house off of me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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