Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
